Do You Think You're Having A Bad Day?
These actual news stories will change your mind.
The following is taken
from a California newspaper:
Fire Authorities in
California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest while assessing the
damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit,
complete with a dive tank, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem examination
revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries.
Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set
about Determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest
fire.
It was revealed that, on
the day of the fire, this person went on a diving trip off the coast------some
20 miles away from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire
as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large
buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown
to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was
making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a
fire bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 5'10"
of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't
pay to get out of bed.
STILL THINK YOU'RE
HAVING A BAD DAY? THINK AGAIN.
The following is taken
from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his
motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man
was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped
into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass
patio door and, along with the motorcycle, was dumped onto the floor inside the
house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her
husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to
him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an
ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the
several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her
husband.
After the ambulance
arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife picked up the
motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the
wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels
in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come
home.
After arriving home, he
looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He
became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a
cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into
the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the
kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the
bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown
away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his
groin.
The wife again ran to the
phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and
the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the
stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the
stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the
wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics
started laughing so hard, one of them tripped. The stretcher dumped the husband
out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.
Now THAT is a bad
day... And finally, an excerpt
from the March 2, 1999 issue of The Dublin Times:
Once inside the bank
shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system
got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large
safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller
safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the
first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least
we'll have a bit to eat."
The robbers opened up a
second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process
continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a
diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of
pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing
more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline
read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM
BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
